My Criteria for Editing a Children's Book

Over the past few days, I've been working on the foundations for my free editing service.

Here's how to get the most out of this service:

1. The manuscript needs to be as polished as possible. I edit in levels: If a manuscript is riddled with misspellings and grammatical errors, I won't be able to delve any deeper than that. If, however, your book is well on its way, then I can focus on far more important issues like plot cohesion, character development, and tone.

2. I will only edit your manuscript once. That being said, it would be a waste of your time and mine to send me a manuscript in its beginning stages.

3. In order for me to to give your manuscript the attention it deserves, I typically need a month from the time I receive it to the time I send you my suggestions.

4. To get the process started, contact me at thefreebookeditor@gmail.com. IMPORTANT: Remember to present yourself as professionally as possible - view this is a dry run for contacting agents and editors.

Please include in THE BODY of your email:

a) A brief paragraph about yourself and your history with writing/publishing

b) No more than a 300-WORD synopsis of your book and

c) Your manuscript (please attach a Word Document if it's too long)

This email mirrors what agents and editors often want in a query letter so practice and perfect it. The fastest way to get into the rejection pile is by ignoring submission requirements.

Happy Writing,

The Free Children's Book Editor

The Free Children's Book Editor

Yes, an anomaly at its finest. A free editor. No hitches, no fine print, no sell-your-soul-to-the-devil. Just free.

Check out why I'm offering this service and why I'm qualified to do it:

The Free Children's Book Editor

Spread the word.

The Top Ten Best Books on Writing

I wish I could say that it's because of these ten books that I'm now a hugely successful writer, but I'll swallow my pride and admit that my sole qualification for authoring this list is simply that I read mounds of books on writing just to avoid writing. (FYI: If you ever hear a writer, published or not, claim that he's never avoided writing - that's like someone claiming he's never once in his life picked his nose.)

Let's start with the classic yet inevitable:

The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White

First published in 1959, this book is for every type of writer: the New York Times journalist, the memo writer, the blogger, the love letter writer, the high school English student, the doctoral graduate.

White, the beloved author of "Charlotte's Web," covers everything from basic grammar and commonly misused expressions to simple but insightful reminders on style (place yourself in the background, do not construct awkward adverbs, use figures of speech sparingly).

Writing with Style by John R. Trimble

Another oldie but goodie. I bought this book on a whim over five years ago at a college bookstore blowout sale. I had never heard of it but Trimble's promise on the back cover intrigued me: "Books on writing tend to be windy [yes], boring [true], and impractical [agreed]. I intend this one to be different - short, fun, and genuinely useful."

From Page 1 (or, technically, Page V) I was prepared to be disappointed. Now, after moving 23 times since the first read (4 of them across states), this book has never seen the gaping jaws of the Goodwill box. I actually read this book for leisure; I even brought it on a European backpacking trip once in case I got bored while I was there.

Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight V. Swain

Swain is the William Faulkner of self-help writing books, hence, this book should be chewed in small bites. But I don't want to scare you away. The reward is worth it.

On Writing Well by William Zinsser

The fourth and last of the golden oldies. I ignored this book for quite awhile because of its subtitle, "The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction" (I prefer fiction-oriented books). I finally got around to it when my hoard of writing books started running low and I was desperate to avoid the glare of a blank Word document.

This is another writing book for the masses. I especially wish that the writers of the 1,990-page healthcare bill would read the section on simplicity: "Clutter is the disease of American writing. We are a society strangling in unnecessary words, circular constructions, pompous frills, and meaningless jargon." I frequently recall pages 10 and 11 when I'm revising my own writing. (Yes, I'm going to leave you hanging on that - I'm evil.)

Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King

Publishing agents frequently say that the top reason for rejecting a manuscript is that it lacks "flow" - it's sluggish, weighed down, however you want to call it - essentially, the writer doesn't know how to edit herself. This book covers the typical stuff (point of view, dialogue mechanics, voice) but in an easily accessible way.

I particularly like that the authors frequently turn to renowned writers and books to illustrate their point. The best way to explain that a writing technique works: prove that it's gotten somebody else published and famous.

Your First Novel by Ann Rittenberg and Laura Whitcomb

Another book with a deceiving title. It's not just for first-timers. This book offers the unique perspective of both a published author, Laura Whitcomb, and her agent, Ann Rittenberg.

I especially appreciated Rittenberg's section; what aspiring author doesn't want to know what happens behind that mysterious green curtain when she submits her manuscript to the Great Oz's of publishing? Her chapter titles should be enticing enough. Here's a few to whet your palate: "What a Literary Agent Does - And Why," "Before You Submit Your Manuscript," "The View from the Other Side of the Desk," and "Getting to Yes."

Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maass

This book (and it's accompanying $1,000+ workshop) has been marketed as the be-all end-all of the self-help writing world. Although I don't consider it the Lost Ark of writing books, I think it's good enough to land in my top ten. I've carefully read it twice and both times it has inspired a much-needed revision in what I was writing at the time.

Plot & Structure by James Scott Bell

The best book on plot I've stumbled across. I don't know if it's a conspiracy to keep aspiring writers at bay but most authors explain plot like it's trying to catch a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow: some get lucky but even the lucky few don't know how it happened. Bell breaks down the components of the supposedly ethereal plot in a surprisingly clear and concise way - throw in the fact that he has an engaging writing style and you've got a winner.

Getting into Character by Brandilyn Collins

The subtitle of this book is "Seven Secrets a Novelist Can Learn from Actors." I'm no thespian and I typically choose reasoned approaches as opposed to the explore-your-feelings stuff, but I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Here Collins draws on the Method acting theory to help authors bring their characters to life (you know, Method acting, like Christian Bale losing a third of his body weight to be The Machinist or Robert DeNiro paying a dentist $20,000 to ruin his teeth for his role as Max Cady in Cape Fear).

Collins doesn't advocate, for example, living in the mountains and eating only wild berries for a year if you're writing about a fur trader from 1789, but she does offer original and enlightening ways to create complex characters beyond the typical and rather bland advice of "write a journal as if you were them" or "interview your character as if you were a journalist." Kudos to Collins for thinking outside the box and inviting me to as well.

The Forest for the Trees by Betsy Lerner

"An Editor's Advice to Writers," says the subtitle.

The first half of this book has you questioning what kind of neurotic writer you happen to be (because all writers are neurotic - it's just a matter of what kind you are). Are you the Ambivalent Writer? The Natural? The Self-Promoter? The Wicked Child?

The second half of the book explains what the heck is going on inside editors' heads (since most writers must not know considering the extraordinarily high number of rejected manuscripts). As Lerner wrote, "No one suffers as much as the rejected writer." I can't promise that this book will transform you into a successful writer but, at the very least, you'll now be an informed rejected writer.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Any more writing books that I should throw on my reading pile? It's getting dangerously low and I can feel the blank pages of my unfinished novel glaring over the top at me.

Humor in Writing (Tickling - Not Smashing - the Funny Bone): Turn Right at Machu Picchu by Mark Adams

You know you're a talented writer when you have me voraciously reading about Machu Picchu.

Yesterday I read an excerpt of a book that's going to be released on June 30 called:

"Turn Right at Machu Picchu"

I'm always delighted (and, of course, jealous and intimidated) when I read something authored by someone who's got the writer's touch - and the writer here, Mark Adams, has obviously got it.

A writer that has "the touch," by my definition, is someone who can transform the most bland subject imaginable (no offense to the Incans - I'm no history buff) into something that has you saying, "Holy bananas. How come I never thought this stuff was cool before?"

Here's some of his writing that I'm talking about:

The Peruvian tourist board has been pushing Choquequiaro as "The Other Machu Picchu" for a few years. Part of its strategy is to divert some of the throngs that overwhelm the more famous ruins. I'd heard reports from a couple of adventure-travel snobs that the path to Choquequiaro had become "infested" by overflow crowds from Machu Picchu. On our two-day walk to the site, the only other people we saw were a pair of sisters marching to school in their matching uniforms, a farmer heading toward civilization with two mule-loads of bananas and coffee beans, and a German guy whose head had been roasted fuschia by the sun.

Even if my chances of running into anyone I knew on the trail to Choquequiaro were pretty low, I was feeling a little self-conscious. I was dressed like Mr. Travel Guy: shirt with dozens of pockets, drip-dry pants that zip off into shorts, floppy hat with a cord pulled tight under the chin. Between my microfiber bwana costume and the bags of candy that Justo [a guide] kept foisting on me ("got to keep your blood sugar up"), I could have been trick-or-treating as Hemingway . . .

I'd spent a month picking out the perfect pair of boots for this trip and broke them in by walking around my sea-level hometown for two weeks before departing for Cuzco. Unfortunately, amid all my research, I hadn't come across the Wear Two Pairs of Socks rule. This is evidently one of those dictums like "Don't Keep a Moody 200-Pound Male Chimpanzee in Your Home" that seems so obvious no one bothers to mention it until something goes horribly wrong . . . When I pulled off my boots at camp late that afternoon, the big toes on each foot were swollen on two sides. Each had a chick-pea size blister that, when punctured, squirted like a Super Soaker.

"These the first blisters of your life, Mark?" John [the main guide] asked as he sterilized a needle with iodine.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "Trust me, I've had much worse than these." This was true, though I declined to mention that the cause of my previous torment had been a tight pair of patent leather shoes that I'd worn with a tuxedo to the FiFi Awards - which are, of course, the Oscars of the fragrance industry - years earlier while working at a men's fashion magazine.

~ ~ ~ ~

Reasons Why It's Great Writing:

1. He has original, memorable analogies (e.g., Hemingway, Chimp, Super Soaker).

2. You learn about Choquequiaro without even realizing it (e.g., what it looks like; how the natives live, work, and eat).

3. His writing is understated.

At first glance, that final reason may seem far from the truth - spouting off about 200-pound monkeys and explosive blisters - but that's why he's a talented writer. Amateurs (myself included) "try too hard," and the result is writing that's stilted and weak. (Isn't that the most annoying piece of advice you can get from a pro? "You're trying too hard, man." Thanks.)

For example, young writers (in experience, not age) will try to "intrigue" their audience by dancing around a subject; 99% of the time this simply means the writer is being too wordy - not to mention it sounds like she's talking down to her readers. Not a good way to win them over.

Adams, on the other hand, just comes out there and says what he means to say and moves on. It may sound like he's playing around with words - and that's because he's entertaining you - but actually he's being quite select about how much he says. (The best magic is when you don't even know it's happening.)

I spot amateur wordiness most often in funny stories.

A beginner usually translates the meaning of humor to "writing lots of words;" the more description, he thinks, the funnier it will be. But that's like someone poking you in the ribs and saying, "Get it, get it? Funny, right?"

Truly funny writers, like Adams, keep to the bare bones and leave the rest to the imagination because, 99% of the time, the imagined scenario is much funnier than reality. You get just enough information to start chuckling and then the story barrels forward.

To illustrate just how difficult it is to be precise and concise, read through something you recently wrote and cut out everything that's repetitive or unnecessary.

Here's a snapshot of what I went through just to write five sentences:

Which leads me to my second (and, don't worry, last) example of mistakes made by amateur writers. The most common instances where amateur writers tend to be too wordy is when they're trying to be funny. Funny to amateur writers tends to mean "lots of words.” The most common place where I find amateur wordiness is in funny stories. I see spot amateur wordiness most often in funny stories. [Insert new paragraph here] An amateur A beginner writer translates tends to translate usually translates the definition meaning of humor to "writing lots of words;" he’ll write more and more words in hopes of making it funnier and funnier the more description, he thinks, the funnier it will be. [Add in: But that's like someone poking you in the ribs and saying, "Get it, get it? Funny, right?"] [Start new paragraph here] The seasoned writer knows that the funniest stories are the ones that Truly funny writers, like Adams, keep to the bare bones and leave the rest to the imagination (which is, 99% of the time, way much funnier than reality) because, 99% of the time, it's the imagined scenario is much funnier than reality. Adams knows how to be funny. [Start new paragraph here] Adams gives you just enough information to get you chuckling and then barrels forward. You get just enough information to get you start chuckling and then the story barrels forward.

I remember a college roommate of mine plopping on to her bed after school one day and saying, "My teacher told me that I have verbal diarrhea."

The best medicine I've found for my verbal diarrhea (which ails me more than I'd like):

"On Writing Well" by William Zinsser

and

"Self-Editing for Fiction Writers" by Rennie Brown and Dave King

Three more great writers that transformed a bland subject into something interesting.